I don't pay attention to time now as much as at the beginning. That is a good thing. Yet I also find sometimes I feel guilty. Like I missed the 6 month mark...it was on Friday. I guess I did blog that day, but didn't even realize the significance of the day. This morning as I sat in church I got another wave of sadness. That hasn't happened in quite some time. There were just little babies e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e and I thought, "My baby would be maybe about a month old amongst all these other little ones." And I wanted to be in that group of women too- holding, cuddling and loving on my baby boy. Sometimes it stinks to feel so empty- where in my arms I should be holding a precious baby I hold dead air. Or when my two year old wants me to hold her babies and love on them I can't help but think that I wish I were holding my baby, a real baby.
On another note I feel very fortunate and blessed by the people I've met through the death of Nathaniel. I more than likely wouldn't have met these women and felt so bonded if it weren't for the events that happened in June. As much as it stinks to go through, as much as it hurts to lose a baby, a child you never got to know, it also feels wonderful to feel something good from it all. I can't stand the thought that the other women I've gotten to know have been through similar circumstances, but at the same time it is so comforting to know they know. They get it. So, to you, my friends who've walked with me these past 6 months living the pain yourself, thank you. And I thank God for placing you in my life.
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