I am not a very outgoing person, although as a child I was quite a bit more shy than I am now. I don't really consider myself shy as an adult, but I don't normally walk up to strangers and begin talking to them and it takes me awhile to open up with you. I prefer people to come up to me- then I'll smile and talk away! Anyway, this 'story' is a God one.
At the retreat last weekend they had a prayer room. It was awesome. You could go in it and pray. Also, each woman that signed up for the retreat had been prayed for specifically by name and under a specific fruit of the Holy Spirit. We could go to the prayer room and look at the list to see what was being prayed for for us. I went in the room and stood in line, waiting my turn to see the lists. I noticed one or two women talking with people on the chairs and couches and then turned away. However, I could hear, through tears one of the women's words. Just four or five words that went something like this, "I lost my babies." I found my spot at the table with my card, 'gentltness' (how perfect for so often I lack this with my children) and left the room. I paused outside the door though. I wanted to go to the woman. But how weird would that be? I wasn't eavesdropping, I heard only those words out of her mouth, through her sobs. And I knew her pain. I wondered if she'd seen the Mommies with Hope table, but figured she hadn't since I had been one of the gals standing near it during breaks.
I decided to go back into the main room and eat my lunch, but the thought of her wouldn't leave. I tried to search her out but had no success in doing so. Then I told a couple of women at my table about her. I just had such a strong burden for her and wanted to reach out to her!!! Yet I didn't want to seem like a weirdo who was listening to her pour out her heart to some other woman in the prayer room! What to do!?!? What if I did see her again? What if I didn't?
About that time she walked in. My heart beat a little faster and I told the gals I saw her. They encouraged me to talk to her. Each step I took seemed so daunting, and yet the Holy Spirit prodded me on. I'm not even sure how I began to talk to her, what words poured out of my mouth. But she was able to tell me her story, about her precoius babies gone on ahead of her to heaven. I empathized with her and shared just a bit of mine. She told how she doesn't really have support, how people at her church don't understand, etc. I'm sure many of us have felt that way also! I shared with her about Mommies with Hope. She doesn't live near Central Iowa to be able to attend a meeting, she doesn't have internet at home, but she does have family in Des Moines! I gave her my number, email, etc (and some Mommies with Hope info) and she did likewise. I've been praying for her. I hope to send her a card or make a phone call soon.
I don't know why I tell you this. I'm not gloating- it was all God, His Holy Spirit. Through our trials and pains, through our losses I think we eventually come to a point when we want God to use that for His glory. I know after my second loss that was right away. This time it took a little longer, but I eventually have reached that point (all praise to God). And so, I simply desire God to use me. I want Him to use my story, my babies short lives, my struggle through the losses for His glory, to help others who also walk this difficult road. What have you done to allow God to use you? Whether you've lost a baby or not, we all have stories to tell. Don't be afraid. Allow Him to move you. I pray that in some way I encouraged this woman and that that will not cease.
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