Antisocial

First of all, I'm sorry I didn't blog  yesterday.  I was having serious computer issues but I think it's all finally resolved!  Just a word of advice, totally not on topic, do not download AVG 2011!  I've used the previous versions and never had issues, but this one is awful!

Anyway, back to the title of my post.  Lately I've been feeling almost antisocial.  I've been getting out plenty to do things, but as I'm home I am almost fearful to go out lately.  I'm wondering if it is because my "due date" is approaching.  Maybe I fear a breakdown in the middle of people I barely know?  Yesterday I went to the park and I didn't really want to talk to people!  I had a good 'excuse' for awhile as I was chasing my two year old around the playground, but then I did need to be friendly with the others who were there.  I think lately I've been feeling more sensitive to things people say, even if it's people that have no idea of my loss, and so it's almost better right now to try to avoid that.  Have you had situations like that?  I'm sure I'm not alone!  Even in the wee hours of the morning as my two year old woke me up I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep and thinking, "Maybe I shouldn't get together with my friends today."  WHAT!?!?  I'm totally not like that!  I was thinking how great it would be if somebody would take my kids and I can just lay in bed all day, or finally get around to looking at the box I put the mementos of Nathaniel in.  Just a day to let it really sink in, to really grieve and to be able to allow the tears to fall. 

On another note, yesterday I emailed my husband about some struggles I was having.  I was sharing how thankful I am for Mommies with Hope and that there are people there who truly understand what I'm going through.  His response still brings tears to my eyes.  He simply said, "Well, I understand what your goin thru!  :)"  Just what I needed!