Not Prepared

Nobody ever prepares us for the words, "I can't find a heartbeat" or "Your baby is going to die" or some such thing.  There are so many things in this whole process that people don't prepare us for.  Can you relate?  One thing is weight gain.  I went to the doctor a few weeks ago for a broken toe and was 16 pounds over my normal weight.  I never even gained that much while I was pregnant!  Then I went back this past week for an infection I had- I was 2 pounds over that 16 pounds!  That's almost 20 pounds OVER my normal weight!  It is so disgusting and frustrating and makes me feel so nasty.  Now mind you, I'm 'normally' on the "low end" for my normal weight so it's not like I'm even overweight right now.  But still- I certainly can feel those extra pounds and I just think to myself how I sicken myself.  I've had to buy new clothes and yet still can't stand the rolls hanging over my pants! 

It is something people never prepare you for.  They never tell you you'll gain weight after you lose a baby.  Yet it is part of grief.  It just stinks that on top of everything else we have to go through in losing a baby we also have to deal with weight gain!  I'm really hoping that I can start losing but it doesn't look too promising.  After all, the holidays are approaching.  I love baking at this time of year.  I keep meaning to head in the basement and exercise on the treadmill but then I forget and it just doesn't get done.  I was thinking maybe Zach and I should have our own 'Biggest Loser' competition ;) 

Have you experienced weight gain with your grief?  Have you overcome it?  What have you done?  It always seems I don't lose the weight until I get pregnant and have a baby and nurse.  Nursing has done the trick for me in the past...but I don't want to wait until I may possibly one day do that!!!