I really guess I tend to go back and forth on the whole childbirth thing. Sometimes I think I could do a homebirth (not lately, but other times) and now here I am requesting a c-section! In 'normal' circumstances I would not request a c-section though.
This morning as I was readying for church I was thinking of my conversation I had with a midwife I'd called weeks ago. I wanted her advice on the stones/pregnancy. I think I'd mentioned before that I'd called her. Well, this morning I remembered part of our conversation. Somehow I'd ended up telling her how I'd lost my last two babies. I don't remember her exact wording, but I felt like she was almost 'blaming' me for my losses for not drinking enough water (remember she'd told me to drink TONS of water a day, more than I'd ever heard of). That really stung. I know it wasn't my fault my babies died and for somebody to insinuate something like that...
A few days ago I'd emailed a midwife I know through Above Rubies retreats. I remember how she'd prayed over my body as I carried Malachi's body in my womb knowing he was no longer alive. In my email I told her a bit of my situation and asked if she had any advice. I know people are well meaning in their words, but... Here is part of what she emailed back: I am believing you are a Christian. If so, then remember scripture tells us that there is a TIME to be born and a time to die.That the fruit will fall from the vine in it's due season.So I firmly believe that induction is out of God's order and interfering with HIS dates.
See, things like that just irritate me. Just because I may decide to have my baby early does not mean I'm NOT a Christian. I KNOW God has our appointed dates and I guess I'm feeling like maybe there are other reasons that I don't know about why this baby may be born this way rather than VBAC as I'd hoped. Of course I don't even know what tomorrow holds...we still may have to wait. And I will believe that that is God's course, His plan, even though honestly I may be a bit disappointed about it at first (only because I want my pain gone). But, if we're able to have our precious one I believe it is His plan for this baby.
Either way, there are risks in all ways of birthing babies (the interference of drugs, the cord could wrap around the neck, etc). No matter in which manner we birth our children we need to trust in God that He will bring our babies safely into the world. I know people who are firm home birthers and I know those who will never birth without an epidural. Does that make those who home birth 'better' or more of a Christian than those who don't? Just like homeschooling...are the homeschoolers 'better' than those who send their children to public school. Or just how some people believe in women wearing only dresses, are they more spiritual than us who wear pants and shorts? I believe God convicts us all in different areas at different times in our lives. Maybe one day I'll be convicted to only wear dresses and homebirth! But even if He doesn't I don't feel like I should be made to feel any 'less than' those who have that conviction. Does that make sense? Confession time: And I know I've come across before (and even thought in my mind) that I'm better than so and so because I __________ (fill in the blank). That is SO wrong!!!! Help me Lord to not be that way!
I don't want to start a debate on my blog, just trying to process some thoughts going through my mind right now. I appreciate everyone's emails, comments, etc as I've weighed it all in my mind. It's been an interesting 5 days as I've seriously prayed and contemplated what I should do in this whole matter. I look forward to seeing what the Lord will do tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment