Update March 6, 2007

So, I went to the retreat this weekend. It was difficult at first...all of the pregnant women and babies were hard to see. But it was encouraging to see old friends who've been praying for me- to receive love, hugs, tears, encouragement. I met many other women, many who have gone through similar circumstances. It was truly a blessing. Of course, any Above Rubies retreat you walk away from you will be blessed. It is always a treat to hear Nancy's teaching. I feel such peace since I have walked away from there this weekend. Sure, I still have my sad moments when I think about how I won't hold my baby in my arms this side of heaven. But the peace that the Lord has given me is amazing. I cannot even describe it. I was really worried that I would struggle this week, with Zach going back to work. I wondered how I would function and pick up schooling again. But, I have overcome with the Lord. I have some moments when I lose it too easily with the kids, but I have moments like that anyways. So, we began school again, I cleaned my house again and life seems almost 'normal'.

One of the women that I met was in a similar situation. She had three children, then two miscarriages. She was there with her 11 week old daughter named Miracle. When you have miscarriages (especially more than one) you often wonder, "Will I be able to carry a child full-term?". It was amazing to see Miracle! I was able to hold her, and while the tears poured down I was not only comforted by my new friend, but I could just feel healing taking place in my heart. I thought how one day I too will hold my own miracle in my arms.

I thought maybe Sunday was going to be the day that something happened. I really began to bleed more than I have since this started. I was a bit concerned I wouldn't make it home in time if the time were to come to deliver my little one. I think it was with the walking I was doing and all of the water I was drinking. But on Monday the bleeding lessened once again. I talked to a midwife there and she gave me some information. This weekend I may do an orange juice/Castor oil mix to try to speed things up. I can't go on forever carrying this baby. It is weird walking around thinking that I have a dead baby inside, ya know?

I also met Beth at the retreat. I think she had left a comment on my blog a week or two ago, so I began reading her blog recently and just linked her. It was really neat to meet a fellow blogger!

So there you have an update on me. Through this turmoil, through my tears, through the pain God is and has always been here with me. I serve a faithful God.