Breakdown August 22, 2006

Last night I had quite the breakdown. I've been feeling so _____. Fill in the blank. Angry. Frustrated. Mad. Blah. Crabby. All of the above. I have no patience, the littlest thing sets me off. I've been wondering if my body is recovering and having some fear that something will happen to cause me to no longer have children. This terrifies me. I don't know what I would do. Of course I am worrying, but I am tired of bleeding. I thought it was getting better, but I started up again more than usual. I don't know what is going on. My poor daughter asked me this morning if I'm going to die. She saw me trying to call the doctor and crying on the phone with my mom. So, it is the waiting game. I'm tired of it. So, last night I just laid in my bed and cried. Cried about my lost baby. Cried about my terrible parenting lately. Cried about everything. I don't think I've ever felt that sad before. I thought I was going to die or something I just felt so stinkin' awful. I guess it did feel good to let the tears fall though. So often I am busy taking care of my children and all that I don't have time to sit and feel. Then at night it hits. So just keep praying for me. Today I still feel blah.