When Will It Be Over? August 7, 2006

It is a miscarriage. The ultrasound picture from last night showed that the baby is a lot lower in the uterus than on Thursday and it also showed that it is losing tissue (or something like that). I was a bit bummed that the doctor did not do another ultrasound to check on things. Maybe he was mad that I went to the ER? We had tried to call his cell phone as he gave me his number but we couldn't get through. Anyway, he then examined me and found that I am dilated and said that it won't be long for the baby to pass. Boy did it hurt when he examined me. I know that never feels good, but it hurt terribly- so bad that I was squeezing the life out of Zach's hand and just bawling. I could not stop crying. Even though I 'knew' I was having a miscarriage it just hit having it 'confirmed' and I just bawled and moaned like a baby. But it felt good to do. I am on a pain medicine and boy is it good. I'm not big on medicine- I don't take it unless I need it, but this is wonderful. I feel a bit wired right now and tired, but I don't feel cramps like I did. He also gave me a prescription for something to aid the miscarriage along. I am apprehensive to take it as it is something given for abortions. While I'm sure my baby isn't alive I guess I just want God to do this all on his own, if that makes sense. I don't want to live with this question in my mind for the rest of my life of aborting my child. I don't know if I make any sense at all. Anyway, within the next 24 hours this should be over for the most part. Thanks for all of your prayers and I'll keep you updated. Let me mention how wonderful Zach has been. Truly awesome. I have the best husband. I cannot stop being thankful for him. He has been my anchor (besides God). He has done it all around the house all weekend- cooking, baths, taking care of the kids. He is truly a blessing